Premium roofs at a premium pace. We bill hourly, and brother, we have so many hours. Our estimator measures your roof by crawling across every shingle. Personally. On the clock.
Okay, it's not simple. But it is transparent, like our slime. One plan is a monthly subscription for a roof, which we will not be explaining.
For homeowners who aren't in a hurry. Which is good.
Architectural shingles and an architectural timeline.
Our fastest service. 0.0002% faster than the Garden Snail.
*There is an extra charge.
Each season is invoiced separately. Winter is extra because Gary hibernates, and hibernating is skilled labor.
Enter your address and card. We'll measure your roof in squares. Then in circles, because Gary got dizzy. Both are billed.
⏳ 3 days · $49.99Our team gazes thoughtfully at your roof from the truck. Then naps. Then gazes again. Gazing is $95/hr. Napping is $140/hr (it's harder).
⏳ one full moon · $$$A snail in a tiny hard hat leaves for your door. Arrival is more of a vibe. Mileage is billed per inch, and there are a lot of inches.
⏳ depends on the dew · $$$$They don't, really. But the ones who did are still paying us.
Our whole crew lives on-site, in their shells, on your lawn. Lawn rental is billed back to you as a "site fee." It's in the contract. Page 41.
We will find hail damage on your roof. We will find it on your car. We once found it on a guy's dog. We are very thorough, and thorough is billable.
Every shingle, every nail, every time Gary sighs. You'll get an invoice so long it needs its own starter strip.
We asked for reviews. They're coming in now. (Review submission fee: $12.)
Give us a call and leave a message after the looooooooooooooooong beep. The beep is billed per second.